The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags
his tail instead of his tongue.
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy
licking your face.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more
than he loves himself.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite
unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and
always have to mix love and hate.
Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like
never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones
If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo
is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and
dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you; that is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits
in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
KILROY WAS HERE! ( a 60-year old phenomenon)
In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program,
“Speak to America”, sponsored a nationwide contest to find the REAL Kilroy,
offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be
the genuine article. Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, but only
James Kilroy from Halifax , Massachusetts had evidence of his identity.
Kilroy was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war. He worked as a
checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and
check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got
paid by the rivet.
Kilroy would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed
lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn’t be counted twice. When Kilroy went off
duty, the riveters would erase the mark.
Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a
second time, resulting in double pay for the riveters.
One day Kilroy’s boss called him into his office. The foreman was upset
about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate. It
was then that he realized what had been going on.
The tight spaces he had to crawl in to check the rivets didn’t lend
themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to
stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his checkmark on each job he
inspected, but added KILROY WAS HERE in king-sized letters next to the
check, and eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose
peering over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message. Once he
did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks.
Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with
paint. With war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that
there wasn’t time to paint them.
As a result, Kilroy’s inspection “trademark” was seen by thousands of
servicemen who boarded the troopships the yard produced. His message
apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked it up and
spread it all over Europe and the South Pacific. Before the war’s end,
“Kilroy” had been here, there, and everywhere on the long haul to Berlin and
To the unfortunate troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a
complete mystery; all they knew for sure was that some jerk named Kilroy
had “been there first.” As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti
wherever they landed, claiming it was already there when they arrived.
Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always “already been”
wherever GIs went. It became a challenge to place the now familiar logo in
the most unlikely places imaginable (it is said to be atop Mt. Everest , the
Statue of Liberty , the underside of the Arch De Triumphe, and even
scrawled in the dust on the surface of the moon!!)
And as the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams
routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese-held islands in the Pacific to map the
terrain for the coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were
the first GIs there). On one occasion, however, they reported seeing enemy
troops painting over the Kilroy logo!
In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosvelt, Stalin,
and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. The first person inside was Stalin,
who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), “Who is Kilroy?” …
To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along
officials from the shipyard and some of the riveters. He won the trolley
car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up
as a playhouse in the Kilroy front yard in Halifax , Massachusetts.
So now you know “the rest of the story”!
The Old Golfers (too true …too true!)
> Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement
> 25 years ago.
> One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it”, he tells his
> wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that after I’ve
> hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”
> His wife sympathizes, and makes him a cup of coffee. As they sit down
> she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more
> “That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “John’s a hundred and three. He
> can’t help.”
> “John may be a hundred and three,” says his wife, “but his eyesight is
> So, the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his
> brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the
> He turns and asks, “Did you see the ball?”
> “Of course I did,” John replies.
> “Where did it go?”, asks Arthur.
> “Gee …..I can’t remember!!”
Old Folk Facts
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
’How old was your husband?’
‘He was 98,’ she replied. ‘Two years older than me’
’….So you’re 96?’ the undertaker commented.
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, isn’t it?’
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
’….And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I’ve sure gotten old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia, have
poor circulation; can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God……
…..I still have my driver’s license!!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got
my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on….
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to
be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered
all over Walmart.
’Walmart?’ the preacher exclaimed. ‘Why Walmart?’
’Then I’ll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week’
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
’For fast relief.’
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never really liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or
6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of
your friends …..if you can remember who they are!
And always remember this:
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.